To be brief I've been rather busy at work and its been getting to me somewhat badly lately. So much in fact that I've begun to worry that I may be suffering from depression again. I think that because well, I'm not enjoying anything much at all lately just like before.
Been raiding on WoW with my Guildies, normally I really enjoy dungeons and the like, you know, all that working a in a group and chatting while you pile into those rampaging monsters and seeing how good a dps you can get, earning rewards, plundering loot etc. However for the past week I've gotten really frustrated with it if I've managed to get worked up at all. I'm not enjoying it no where near as much as I should. I didn't mind not getting upgrades to my equipment and such directly because I'd get conquest emblems which I could use to buy some decent gear with, but even that just feels like a pointless pursuit. Maybe I'm just not liking WoW anymore at all. It is failing to cure my boredom which is the only real reason I play it anyway.

That said I still can't get motivated to draw or write either unless I'm at work and thus can't (because I'm working so hard obviously) and rushing about chasing my own tail and getting absolutely nowhere. I would make more progress beating my face against a brick wall. (I won't actually do that but that's what I feel like I am doing pretty much) Anyway, I do have a few idea's I want to work on, but never the motivation when I have spare time.

I've just started the portfolio project for the end of Section 2 Part A of my Train 2 Game course.... The Pitch Document! Yey... (not my lack of enthusiasm) its not that I don't want to do it. Quite the contrary, its just that certain parts of it make no sense to me right now... I mean, I have have no idea how much it costs to make a game... not even a ball park figure! My idea is to make a game out of VOS (plots there, character design, all that stuff already thanks to the book right?) but how long would that take? I don;t know, I've never made a game before so I have no idea how long it would take to program a level let alone a whole world! I've just started looking at some forums and such and so far.. no help in sight... Ah well. It'll make sense eventually but if anyone has any idea... TELL ME!!!! PLEASE! :cry:

I've also recently submitted my TMA 18 and Section 1 final exam... Only time will tell if I've passed, I think I did okay but I'm not confident. If I fail no doubt I will write about it, whining as usual.

Had our two minutes silence at work last thursday. Well I did at least. I forgot to buy a poppy mainly because I don't really go out at the moment. Not even on a weekend. I've not the energy (another sign of depression... gah!) and it takes real effort to do anything. I don't want to come to work simply because I don't want to. Its far too much effort to find clothes and get the bike out and all tediousness. yet Hopefully the feeling will pass because as tedious and agitating as my job is right now, its actually an okay job. A bit dull at times but I feel as if I am useful (which is ever so nice) and my colleagues tend (not always) to be rather nice and pleasant (tho are currently about as stressed and fed up with everything as I am if not more!). So other than the low pay, which, lets face it is better than a kick up the arse and probably the best I'm going to get until I actually finish my course and find something more focused and skill worthy (unless of course my books get discovered and before super hits at which point I can quit and spend all day writing and drawing... YES PLEASE!) its alright.

Right so on to what you're actually interested in and no just me bitching because I can! Mawhwa!

VOS Book Four Update - Another chapter nearly polished off. Half written the next one already (that's the fun of writing one bit at home and a different bit at work) So we're now aiming for a New Year completion as I'm off work over the holidays. With the cover almost finished (I know I uploaded a copy to my DA gallery but I'm not satisfied with it. I will go back and tweak.) all that will remain is the editing.

TotW - I've been neglecting this and I apologise. I have to get back in the swing of it but I've got a few colour piccies in progress that I want to finish first. I figure if I direct my creative energy in too many directions I won't get anything finished so I will leave this for a little while longer. please forgive and bear with me. I've not given up. I will go back to it!

Art in Progress - I've got another wallpaper for VOS in the mix right now. Its an old sketched piece I rediscovered and am reworking. Its on the base coat colour stage. I'm also doing another piccie for Sugar Rush. Random idea just went mad and I really wanted to do an improvement for Niall's random idea.

T2G - I've got my Pitch Document portfolio project to work on. This will need sketches as well a quite a bit of written work. The basic layout is already there with the exception of man hours and a basic budget so its going well. Need more practice at landscapes and cityscapes for the back up art work tho, so help when I post up a few of my drafts would be greatly welcomed!!!!

And just because I can and although not really relevant to DA or my art in any way!!!! WoW!!! - Want to get my shaman healer to lvl 80 (I'm at 29, nearly 30!!!) and all epic gear for my Main character, Lycentia (the beastmaster/marksman hunter). My trinkets are letting me down now so going to work on that. Plus I have another doodle idea for my WoW buddies but I may just leave that for a while too.

Not going to be taking any commissions or requests now for a while.

Natwest is evil and sucky an completely annoying!

I missed the last payment on my loan so this month just to be total bastards they took two payments... Yey, now skinter than skint and have kittens to neuter, petrol to buy and food needed. Heck can't even afford shampoo! So Cheers Natwest, way to screw me over completely! Not only that when I rang them to try and sort it out they told me not only could they not do anything about taking the two payments but they couldn't reduce my loan payments per month because after all my debts I only have about £200 left per month to live on and in order to be approved to alter my loan term and making the payments more manageable I need over £500 left over after bills! I mean really! If I had £500 spare a month after my bills I wouldn't be in this mess would I? Fecking dumbasses...

Anyway, its be ages since I posted!

Here's my random rant for the day...

I was watching the news at lunchtime yesterday and several things really irritated me.

The first was the whole swine flu thing.
I totally understand that its dangerous and bad and all that, but for crying out loud, its not going to wipe out the world! There's no need to get so tense about it, or fret or anything like that! After all the Normal Flu Still kills people ever year! You don't hear about each single confirmed case of that on the news! Its just rediculas. Yes, people should be careful and wash hands and what not, but surely people should be doing those things anyway??? Its common sense really. Why panic? It's not going to make a blind bit of difference. Mother Nature is just flexing her muscles again and reminding us just how deadly she can be with a tiny little bug that's not even especially vicious. (just very contageous) I know this may sound all rather heartless of me and I do feel for those people who have lost someone to swine flu, but there's not need for all this fuss. That's causing more issues than the swine flu itself!
I'm not worried, just irritated. I know full well if it gets into my workplace, everyone will get it because of the air conditioning and the environmental control. (meaning we can't open windows and the air gets pushed round the whole office) I say bring it on. The sooner we've all had it, the sooner we'll build up antibodies against it, and the sooner it will get killed off. The good old human immune system will beat it eventually!

I could rant about that all day but this other thing annoyed me more...

Electric cars....
They were saying about the uk building electric car, developing our own technology for it... How green they are and such...

But they're not green at all!!! They still need electric! They have to be charged up from something!!! Electric means burning fossil fuels! meaning greenhouse gases, so therefore - electric cars = not green!!!
Now someone's going to say "but what if they only use the renewable sources, like wind power?" Wind power and solar and all that are great, but not the solution! We need something entirely new, different and inventive and then work on that, be at the fore front of an entirely new way to create power! but no. That would be too much of a change, too expensive. Gah! makes me so mad sometimes...


Anyway

The Kittens - They're getting bigger. And the kitten flea stuff isn't strong enough for them. I'm going to have to get some super strong flea killer. No matter what kitten tablets or drops I use they don't seem to be getting rid of all of their fleas. Cloud has such thick fur too that the flea comb just doesn't get deep enough.
Still, they're very cute, but savages. Once again cloud has decided to attack me at half five in the morning. I guess he doesn't like sleeping at night anymore. yuffie is happy to just cuddle or sleep on my pillow. Cloud however wants to clamber under the covers and use me as a claw sharpener. little fat sod.

After starting my WOW poster i've been getting several requests from the Outcast Heroes Guildies. So I'm going to be rather busy. Who knows, it may even become profitable. Gotta finish the poster first tho. Hopefully people will like it. I'm going to work hard on it to be sure I do a good job.

As for my course. Well got the results from the first assessment. 100%! Go me! I've posted my second assessment answers and should be getting them back soon. I've already read through and done the assessment for number 3 but not posted it as I don't have access to it on the site yet (need my results from 2 first) but i'm confident I've done well. Then I'll be waiting for the next book and batch of work.
I've given myself a 9 month target. There are several reasons for this which I won't go into unless asked, but I'm fairly sure I can do it. I just have to work really hard. use my lunch breaks at work, and my hour in the morning before work well. Prioritise! Lol

Thats one of my targets at work. To learn to prioritise! so funny.

Things to do:

Next TofW page (started inking)
Finish Outcast Heroes poster in colour
Finish chapter 81 of VOS
TMA 04 (train2game course)
start new commissions from OH Guildies

Sometimes I wonder why I bother putting a subject. They never really mean anything anyway.

Right on to business!

Firstly and update on my Games Designer course. My disc and log on details finally came through so I submitted my first TMA straight away. I get the results today (Update if I have them at home before posting) and I'm rather pleased with myself. I've already read through the next two parts so I'll have another read through Section 2 then submit TMA 2. It takes 3 days for the results to come through so I have to keep waiting but I'm so enthusiastic I can help but read ahead and work on all the little studant marked assessment bits in there. Some of them are really fun and I don't feel like I'm studying at all. I'm aiming to keep up a perfect score and study hard so I can be finished with my course before the 12 month deadline. The subject that I'm going to be really good at is much later on (the story telling section and being all creative) and I really want to do that one. Also one of the early on ones is putting together a presentation of the Game idea which sounds like a lot of fun too since I can make them all interesting and pretty. I'll give more updates as I make my way through the course.

On to the topic of my hands... Its grim indeed
I finally go my referral from the doctors come through but I may be waiting up to 10 weeks before I can even see a specialist, let alone begin any treatment. They're going to do a small mountain of tests like skin scrapings, draining out fluids and taking blood and what no. Apparently it won't hurt too much but I bet its still going to be rather painful. In the mean time I've got very little cream left (even though its not killing the damned infection or whatever it is easing the pain and stopping the spread from being too rapid) no more tablets and thus am going to be in more and more pain everyday thanks to it becoming deeper and my palms more cracked and sore and open. Its not good considering how much I use my hands.
I know I'm whining about it and there's not really anything anyone can do, but still, it hurts more than I let on to people around me. I tolerate it and ignore it most of the time, but sometimes its so painful I just want to cry. Having an whinge about it every now and then just makes me feel a bit better and writing that complaint works better than telling people about it for me at least. I don't want people to worry or fuss but at the same its nice to say "yeah, it does bloody hurt as much as it looks! my hand's are freaking bleeding and weeping puss out of tiny bubbles, how the heck do you think it feels!???"
Sounds discussing I know, but it is really. All flaky and such.
However I will be very glad to know what it is and get it finally sorted. After all I am an artist, a writer, I need my hands to work in perfect condition, they are the tools of my trade and very important to be healthy. I know it I had this condition anywhere else it wouldn't bother me as much (but then I use my hands the most probably like most people I know so kind of a weird thing to ramble about but oh well). No doubt once I know I will let the world know as I do with anything that's supposedly private. The way I see it, if people didn't want to know about me they wouldn't be reading my journals.

Neko-Chan has been being a darling and started working on Mon Petit Chou again. She sent me a load of things about floor plans and the like for the main characters houses and I'm all inspired... Again. Now I have a few more things on my to do list, but that's okay. I really should get back into doodling.... Again... Evil WOW! Because of my hands (there I go again) I've not felt up to drawing and so have taken forever to get into doing anything. But when I get really inspired and now that Neko-Chan is working hard on it too (not saying she wasn't before but its nice to have that little extra boost if you know what I mean) I've got no excuse not to be getting on with it.

World of Warcraft has been taking me over alittle bit lately since it require little effort and I've been rather ill this week. I'm going to leave it alone this week though to make up for it since I have lots of drawing and writing to do. However it did give me a great idea for a poster. I'm going to draw my Guild's raid team as an Outcast Heroes poster for their website. The Guild master thinks this is a great idea but now all I need is a shot of all of them together. What I might do is just before they start a raid, get my bro (who is one of the raiders) to ask them over vent (third chat program) to make them all stand still briefly and get a screen shot that I can use for reference. I'm actually look forward to drawing that one. I've got the layout already in mind and have started sketching so all I really need is the detail for the characters.


^^^^^^--- was done at work during my lunch break.

Now at home just before dinner ----vvvvv

I'm rather more than just upset. It's not only Rufus be so terribly naughty all the time... I was in a lot of pain with my hands and it might just be PMt or whatever, but the dog had stolen yet another pair of my shoes from my room and eaten them. He's already destroyed two cat toys my £30 work shoes amoung other things... If that wasn't enough to rile me he's been in the potato sack again... Thats more potatos he's eaten leaving less for my lunches... It doesn't end there... He'd been in the litter trey in my room and spread half the contents over my floor... There's more! The mind boggles right? And to take the cake he'd done a huge mess in the bathroom... ON a towel he'd pulled out of the wash...

Well... My voice was horse from the yelling before I even found him, dragged him back up stairs and shoved his face in his mess...

Afterwards I just couldn't breath. It wasn't just the dog. It was the note left by my brother too. I had to walk the devil incarnate pretending to be a puppy and put the dinner on. Plus the phone went the moment I got in the house... I couldn't handle it or something.

It's been an hour and I'm still struggling. My head is pounding and I just feel so drained. I've not even eaten yet. No doubt I'll be expected to dish that up too.

All my positive energy from work has died in an instant and I hate it. Every one at work has been so nice to me today dispite a few screwups. And they've been telling me how my attitude was great and uplifting in the office and how helpful and nice I am. I kinda feel like a right sham after losing my temper with the dog. It's not his fault he's a naughty little monster.

Somehow, even tho my kittens got under my feet during the whole episode I managed to be super nice to them! I moved Cloud carefully out of the way, petted Yuffie on the head while she sat on the kitchen table looking all cute. Not a trace of my anger, frustraiton or whatever it was when anywhere near the kittens. I guess they're just toooooooooo cute to be angry with even if they do attack me in my sleep, hog my bed and purr loudly at me when I try to get some rest.

So I'm rather dried out for sympathy right now.

So Things to do this week: (Bearing in mind I have two days off so I might actually do them! O_o; )

Finish current page of TotW
Finish Sketch of Outcast Heroes Raid poster
Finish chapter 80 of VOS (yes 80! Going for maybe 85 chapters)
New character design sketches for the cupids in MPC
Background sketches for main char houses in MPC
Complete TMA 02

Well i've already read through and completed the first 3 assessments of my new games designer course, however the CD for completing the assessments online has only just arrived and I still don't have my tutor or log on details so I can't continue....

I've been rather good with my doodling and finally finished a piccie for Tides of the Wind that I've been working on bit by bit over the past week and a bit. Now I can concrentrate on the manga itself.

Also drawn another page of Mon Petit Chou... Really must get those new character designs done...

Been really busy at work. I have a mountain and a half of filing to do and I keep getting called to help out on reception amoung other things. However my dept. did get awarded for the best dept. of the year so I got a prize. I'm not sure I deserve it tho after all, i've only been with the company for a few months. I got an extra day of holiday so I need to decide when to take it. Which is rather nice.

I henna-ed my hair on sunday since I couldn't go round and see Neko-Chan like ususal (Happy B day Lu!) and then straightened it. Everyone at work thinks it looks great but i'm not sure I got a good coverage. Still, it feels all nice now.

My hands are still being evil, painful and peeling in little chunks. They're going back to being raw and itchy and inflamed now i've finished the antibiotics. I'm being referred so hopefully that comes through soon and this blasted whatever it is can be fixed once and for all. It's irriating.